Tragedy doesn’t come to us just to torture us or because we have “bad karma” and life hates us. In fact I think it’s quite the opposite. It’s the shity moments where we hit the ground on our knees crying for help where we hear that voice that says, “finally, you’re ready to start”
That’s exactly what happened to me three years ago aka the shittiest day of my journey thus far. I’ll never forget that phone call I got at work because the police were looking for me nobody would tell me what happened. I tried calling my mom and she didn’t answer. I called my dad about a million times and he didn’t answer. I just assumed my entire family was dead and murdered in their sleep. It wasn’t until I finally got ahold of my brother (who I also thought was just dead) when I heard his voice “oh nobody told you yet… I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but Dad is dead. It was suicide.” A statement that would change my life forever but not in the way you would expect.
I saw two different outcomes of my life I could take the easy road and give up continue taking drugs to hide the pain and get stuck in the cycle of self-sabotage or I could for once actually ask for help on taking the high road. I knew there was going to be a lot of work to get through this. No time was wasted when the right people showed up into my life; family, friends, teachers from all over the world came to help me heal because I believe that they would.
I don’t tell different versions of this story every year because I like talking about myself and receiving pity in fact it’s the exact opposite. I absolutely dread talking about personal experiences. Sharing things so personal makes me cringe. However, because I know I had those specific people that helped me with their stories and their guidance I can only dream of being that type of help for someone desperately in need like I was.
Without the fall I would not have gotten back up and chose consciously to be happy and helpful and most of all start to heal my life.
Coming back to the actual point of all of this is to never judge or label your circumstances as good or bad. Unfortunately sometimes it takes something so painful, especially death, to lead you in the right direction. Continue to be in the mindset of a student and recognize that the whole world (even if it sometimes feels like a fucked up play) is your teacher. That doesn’t mean you’re not going to hurt sometimes or you’re not going to miss people and wish they were still here it means learning to deal with your shit because we’re in this together. I’m sorry if you think differently.
Stay open and ask how you can serve.